I’m no expert…but I can tell you this…

“Seriously, why are you freaking out.”
“Look, you need to get it together and get over this.”
“What is wrong with you?! Snap out of it!”

*singing* Theeese are a few of my faaavorite things!
Except they aren’t. At all. In fact, they piss. me. off. 

At NO point in time do you know what is truly going on in someone’s head, nor in their heart. Sure, they probably come off as a drama queen. Or insecure. Or just an attention-seeking whore. But you know what?? Your job is to love them anyway. Because you don’t know why they act the way they do. But I bet if you took the time to step back, see the big picture, and actually gave that person a chance to understand their mindset, your own might change.

That girl that says sorry like ten times in half an hour isn’t trying to get anyone’s pity. Pity is more than likely the last thing she wants. She’s kicking her own ass over, and over, and over. Every mistake she thinks she makes, every person she thinks she irritates, is one more win for the monster known as her own mind.

Because that’s what the mind can be for people with mental illness. A monster. It is for me. It’s betrayal of your own mind, your own body.

And let me tell you, being at war with yourself is straight up —exhausting–.

Most people can take comfort in knowing that their thoughts are theirs. You know those things that you reeeeaaaally wanna say, but you can’t say it out loud because black eyes really aren’t in fashion…like…ever?? We keep them to ourselves, right? Because our head is this sweet little built in secret-keeping vault, right?? Say it to yourself, and your brain is all “well *scoff* that was rude. But no worries, your secret is safe with me!” Yay for bff brains!!

Well that’s all fine and dandy for most people. But for people with mental illness, (lets say ooooh I don’t know, like, my personal nightmare, anxiety) things are a liiiittle different. And by little I mean our world is a complete 180. 

For me, there’s still a vault, but it’s filled with a poltergeist just waiting to cause problems in my day from the moment I wake up to the time I fall asleep (if I actually can). Because apparently it has nothing better to do, and it’s stuck there, so why not wreak havoc on my day, right?? *thumbs up*eye roll* In my mind, I know something could go wrong today. The day ahead may be absolutely heaven sent, picture perfect….but what if it’s not?? ……And the very second that my little poltergeist gets wind that I know that, he takes it and runs. And feeds me every, single, thing that cooould go wrong. And add’s nerves, and nausea, sweat…panic…to the equation. “That mistake was more than likely yours. And people are going to be so disappointed in you, you know better. You’re probably gonna get paid late this week. Oh, and that’s going to make your rent late. I wonder if your new landlord is going to see that and refuse to rent to you…what do you think would happen then?? I mean you only have three months to find a new place and if your late rent screws that up you’re screwed…”

Aaaaand I can’t even keep that train of thought going without my chest tightening. So we’re gonna stop there. And I don’t even have any of those problems!! Logically I know no one is mad at me. My rent isn’t late. My paycheck is coming right when it’s supposed to. Logically everything is in it’s place in my life. But stress, no matter whose stress it is, becomes my stress. There are ways to deal with it, and I’m finding my way around pretty well to be honest. I recognize my triggers, I’m finding ways to get along with my little poltergeist. We won’t ever be bff’s, but I’m learning to deal…

And just like that I’m off track. My point is, I can’t just snap out of it. Telling someone to “get over it” is one of the worst things I think one human can say to another human in pain, mental illness or not.

Don’t you think they would, if they could?? If I could just let it go (please God do not sing that stupid song…) don’t you think I would?! 

Nine times out of ten, the person isn’t a masochist. I do not enjoy panic attacks. I do not get a kick out of my heart feeling like it’s going to explode right through my chest over the stupidest things. Aside from the physical reaction, dealing with the sheer frustration and confusion as to why, is not fun either. Why me? Why that reaction? Why that trigger?
Why doesn’t anyone understand?
And that girl who want’s to give up because she’s tired of being in the dark isn’t weak. She doesn’t need a slap to the face, or a “snap out of it.” What she needs is a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, someone to just listen. You may not be able to fix it. The meds may not work, hell they may even make things worse. You may not understand ANY of what is going on in her head….but neither does she…

So next time you hear about someone who confesses that they have an addiction, they’ve been diagnosed with depression or anxiety, or that they’re contemplating suicide…please know that your anger  or annoyance is NOT going to help them. You don’t have to understand to be able to help.

I can promise you, if they could “snap out of it” they would.

Love people, guys. It’s hard to love people when you don’t really understand them. But give ’em a chance. The world can change, if we would just take the time to understand people…

Stay weird, y’all xoxo ❤ Alli

In the meantime, if you have questions on mental illness, take a gander at this site. It helps. http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=by_illness

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