Sweet child of mine

I love you more than you or I could ever know. I’m so sorry it’s taking so long to bring you home. I want more than anything to be able to hold you in my arms. I want to see you with your daddy, to watch you both laugh and coo with each other.

I’m sorry that I’m scared.

I promise you I’m trying. I’m trying to bring you here with us. I can see your squishy face. Your tiny little fingers and wiggly little toes. You’re beautiful beyond words and my heart swells with pride knowing that you’re mine.

I’m so sorry that I’m scared.

You’re brilliant and creative and pure. You’re so much more brave than your mother ever was. The world is clay in your hands, so build away sweet baby. Your heart is a galaxy of wonder and your eyes say they’ll change the world. And I believe it. I know you will.

But my love I am so sorry…I’m scared.

One day I’ll tell myself that I’m enough for you. One day I’ll convince myself that you’ll teach me to be strong. One day I’ll look upon your face and hold your sweet perfect hands and know my life is just beginning.

One day I’ll bring you into this world.

Until then know this: I love you beyond measure. You are brilliant, you are brave, you are capable of all magic and wonder and change. And I will make sure that you know it until my last breath.

Love,

Your momma

I’ll give you everything I have.
I’ll teach you everything I know.
I promise I’ll do better.
I will always hold you close,
But I will learn to let you go.
I promise I’ll do better.
I will rearrange the stars,
Pull ‘em down to where you are.
I promise, I’ll do better.
With every heartbeat I have left,
I’ll defend your every breath.
I promise I’ll do better.
I will soften every edge,
Hold the world to its best.
I promise I’ll do better.
With every heartbeat I have left,
I’ll defend your every breath,
(I’ll do better.)
-Light, Sleeping at Last

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Reblogged this on bearsgoatsandstrawberries and commented:
    This is every parent. Not just you; some just hide it better.

    Like

    1. Yeah, just having a tough time with convincing myself that I’m ready. I’m not pregnant because I keep talking myself out of it. Pushing myself further behind the walls of my own fears. But I’ll get there one day…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My twin sister was the same. She is now the mom of two great kids.

        Liked by 1 person

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