Honey why are you crying? Again. I know it hurts. And I know it’s what you thought you wanted. But why? Look what this choice that you want so badly does to you on a regular basis. You love and love and love and what are you left with? Unanswered questions, and a swollen face…
Don’t Numb the Pain with People
BOYS AND GIRLS! LISTEN. TO ME. STOP! And I mean all the WAY stop, using people to numb the pain that you are not willing to put work towards healing! Hold on. Read that again. I’ll wait. Got it? Did you hear me that time? Good. Ok. Now lets back up a second. Since the…
The Fight
Trying to be as quiet as possible while I sob, curled up on the bathroom floor. I’m concerned more about the fact that people may hear me, than I am about hearing the poltergeist and his lies. “This is all you have,” he tells me. “This is all there ever will be. Emptiness. You feel…
Balance
You know it’s funny, as a child I was horrified of storms. But I think that was mainly because back then, I didn’t know what monsters really were. Back then, I didn’t know thunder, and lighting, and deafening wind weren’t something you’d only find outside. And now? Well now it’s not the storms outside that…
Letter to Myself
Dear one, You’re going to struggle. There is a tiny demon that lives in your head. He will make you feel like you are a spec of dust, and he is a mountain. He will make you believe that you are expendable, that you are not worth loving, that you deserve to be tossed aside…
Bring Me Thunder
You know those days where the sky is grey, but it never really rains? The days where the air is still, and it only really drizzles even though you can tell the sky really wants to just open up and drown the whole town? You know the storm is coming, but Mother Nature is holding…
Dear Fighter
Hey there, I just wanted to take a minute and help you understand something. You’re not alone, you know. This darkness that seems to encompass your very being, I know it well. I know the emptiness it brings. It’s cold, and makes you feel like you’ll never feel anything else again. I know the deafening…
Is It Forever?
Ok. No fancy format. No filters. No real rhyme or reason to this except to get it out of me. The fight to stay alive is fucking exhausting. Constantly telling yourself that you are worth it, that you are needed, that you are wanted, and that you’d be missed is fucking exhausting. Fighting the feeling…
Saying goodbye
Saying goodbye sucks. Not the actual act of getting to say goodbye (even though that sucks too), but knowing you won’t ever get to speak to that person (on this earth) again is infinitely more difficult. Questions go unanswered. Regret seems to linger like you’re own damn shadow. I’ve learned a lot about having to…
Fuck, I miss her.
This time last week I was in a daze. My best friend, my person, my other half was here and it seemed like the week I had just spent with her had flown by without our knowing. We were so busy talking, laughing, negotiating each other’s demands, and just being in each other’s presence that…
Don’t Jump
I thought about it. Cried till I could no longer see. Tugged at my hair until you could see patches of scalp. Picked at my skin till it tore. The tears were gone. Most of my hair gone. The blood dried. But the voices… The voices don’t ever stop. It’s too much. It’s too much….
“I miss you.” “I know. I miss me, too.”
Searching for Sanity 