Don’t Numb the Pain with People

BOYS AND GIRLS! LISTEN. TO ME. STOP! And I mean all the WAY stop, using people to numb the pain that you are not willing to put work towards healing! Hold on. Read that again. I’ll wait. Got it? Did you hear me that time? Good. Ok. Now lets back up a second. Since the…

The Fight

Trying to be as quiet as possible while I sob, curled up on the bathroom floor. I’m concerned more about the fact that people may hear me, than I am about hearing the poltergeist and his lies. “This is all you have,” he tells me. “This is all there ever will be. Emptiness. You feel…

Balance

You know it’s funny, as a child I was horrified of storms. But I think that was mainly because back then, I didn’t know what monsters really were. Back then, I didn’t know thunder, and lighting, and deafening wind weren’t something you’d only find outside. And now? Well now it’s not the storms outside that…

Bring Me Thunder

You know those days where the sky is grey, but it never really rains? The days where the air is still, and it only really drizzles even though you can tell the sky really wants to just open up and drown the whole town? You know the storm is coming, but Mother Nature is holding…

Dear Fighter

Hey there, I just wanted to take a minute and help you understand something. You’re not alone, you know. This darkness that seems to encompass your very being, I know it well. I know the emptiness it brings. It’s cold, and makes you feel like you’ll never feel anything else again. I know the deafening…

Fuck, I miss her.

This time last week I was in a daze. My best friend, my person, my other half was here and it seemed like the week I had just spent with her had flown by without our knowing. We were so busy talking, laughing, negotiating each other’s demands, and just being in each other’s presence that…

Don’t Jump

I thought about it.  Cried till I could no longer see. Tugged at my hair until you could see patches of scalp. Picked at my skin till it tore. The tears were gone. Most of my hair gone. The blood dried. But the voices… The voices don’t ever stop.  It’s too much. It’s too much….

New Adventures, New Lessons

My intent today was to write a nasty entry about the stupidity of rioters and the political turmoil our country has put itself in. But my son is curled up against my chest, out cold. It took about two hours of indecision on his part to get to this point. (He seems to be going…

Storms

Well. It didn’t storm last night. But it did this morning.  No thunder or lighting. No rain. No wind. Just enough weight on my heart for it to finally shatter.  “I -hate- him,” I told my mom.  I didn’t hate him. I don’t hate him. I couldn’t no matter how much I want to or how…

This.

Things are going to hurt you, whether it be people’s actions, people’s words, or events out of your control. You’re going to experience devastating pain and sometimes devastating loss. Allow yourself to feel it. Acknowledge that pain. And then move on. Running from the pain doesn’t ensure a permanent escape from your heartache, it only…

Chaos is Inevitable, Baby

“You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Do You Trust Me?

“You are going to break your promise. I understand. And I hold my hands over the ears of my heart, so that I will not hate you.”
― Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless